Friday, March 18, 2011

Pop tunes make mayor's race

Already, the campaign for Miami-Dade Mayor has become entertaining.

The recall had not even been confirmed by the canvassing board Friday when someone released and distributed via email on Thursday four jingles that jeer at one of the front-running candidates, Miami-Dade Commissioner Carlos Gimenez.

At least they split the jeers equally, two in English and two in Spanish.

One parody uses the Black Eyed Peas Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night: "He's on a yacht, in a Mercedes. That's what he's got, to impress the ladies." Ladra loves the rhyme. Said Gimenez: "I guess the baby seat in the back [of he car] is real sexy." Well, in some circles. But we know what you mean. The other English-language song is set to the music of Michael Buble's hit, Haven't Met You Yet, which is not as catchy but pokes fun at him for playing golf "every day."

One of the Spanish-language tunes uses seconds of the Ricky Martin Maria song. "One, two, three, four retirements for Carlos Gimenez. One, two, three...not one retirement more." It's going to be a theme from his opponents, but Gimenez said he only has one pension -- the one from the city of Miami is for both positions as city manager and fire chief. He would get a county pension only when he leaves, but with his $6,000 salary, that comes out to less than $300 a month right now.

"It appears that this is the type of campaign it is going to be," Gimenez told Ladra over the telephone, comparing the mayoral bid to the bitter 2006 campaign where Miami Sen. Alex Villalobos was elected despite heavy negative advertising linked to opponent Frank Bolaños.

Ladra wants to know who did them, not just for the typical transparency I seek. I also happen to think they are very smartly written and the writer is extremely talented. She or he needs to send these little clips to Sony or someone and see if they can get some songwriting gig. The singer is not bad either. They sound like parodies you hear on Spanish language radio and, in fact, Ladra would not be surprised to hear them on the Enrique Santos show this week.

Another blogger links the songs to the Dade PBA, which had opposed and campaigned against the recall of the mayor. Ladra called PBA Prez John Rivera to see if we could be the manager, er, I mean get some answers.

"We have received a copy. We will neither deny nor affirm that we did it," Rivera said on the phone, which sounds like a wink, wink, nod, nod to me. "We would love to take credit for it. I think its funny and we want to do whatever we can to propel it."

Rivera said that he was not sure the PBA would endorse one of the mayoral candidates, and though Gimenez will likely not get it anyhow, he spoke favorably about two other candidates: Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina and former State Rep. Marcelo Llorente.

Gimenez, Rivera said, "likes to talk more than listen" and though the PBA has had issues with Robaina, "at least he gives you the time of day. He listens. He may not agree, but he listens to you. And Marcelo is a hell of a gentleman," Rivera continued. "As a state representative, he was unlike other representatives. He was hands on. And I don't think he has any baggage. Problem is, he might not have the name recognition."

There is no official word if the PBA board is even going to interview the candidates. "We haven't had a chance to sit down and discuss it. I don't know. Historically, we are a group that we don't mind going for the gusto and we don't like to sit on the sidelines. I believe as an organization we will get involved. How we will do it, I don't know," he said, adding that he doubted Alvarez would join the fray after being ousted with an overwhelming 88 percent vote.

"I would love for him to [run]. I mentioned it to him, but I can't speak for him. If you are truly an honest person of integrity this system can wear on you very quickly and it can devestate your mental and psychological and physical being. It plays havoc on you."

We don't think the mayor would be so bold or wasteful with his time as to take a stab in this anti-Alvarez climate. And we don't think he would like the songs that might be written for him.

Speaking of which, here are the lyrics for the jingles that were not (wink, wink) produced by the PBA, but are funny nonetheless. But Ladra and I love parodies. You should come hear me do Ke$ha or Enrique Iglesias' Tonight I'm Drinking Juice on Karaoke night.

The BEPs Tonight parody tune:
Carlos Gimenez
Is so very condescending
Has an ego that's never-ending
He should not be our mayor
No, no way
He's on a yacht... and a Mercedes
Thats what he's got to impress the ladies
Carlos Gimenez, should just go away
We raise our voices, that's what we say
Sung to Buble's Haven't Met You Yet:
Carlos Gimenez wants nothing but praise
Cuts every salary, but gives himself a raise
He's power hunger, wants things his way
Relaxes a lot and plays golf every day
And now our buddy wants to be mayor
So he can get another pension later
With Carlos Gimenez in office, a mess is what you get
cuz we just cant trust him yet

Sung to the tune of Maria, by Ricky Martin:
Ya no mas Gimenez, ya tu no convienes,
Y la gente paga por ese lujo que tu mantienes
Un, dos, tres... cuatro retiros pa Carlos Gimenez
un, dos, tres... ya ni un retiro mas
Carlos Gimeneeeeez... anda buscando otro retiro
Mientras tu y yo... damos otro pasito pa' 'tras
(Voice in the back, purportedly Gimenez': "Me voy a jugar golf. Epa!")

Sung to the tune of Guantanamera:
Carlos Gimenez,
Guajiro Carlo Gimenez
No es un hombre sincero
De donde saca tanto dinero'
Carlos Gimenez
Ese guajiro Carlos Gimenez
Alcalde no eerreeesss
Ya basta Carlos Gimenez

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